Trolling the Fedboys: An American History Primer
Around January of 2021, the Department of Homeland Security began circulating an infographic to the agencies collectively known as Federal Law Enforcement.
The flyer was intended to assist agents in identifying “militant violent extremism” among American citizens. It should come as no surprise that most of the symbols and rhetoric they continue to warn against are steeped in historic, patriotic tradition. These symbols represent the best aspects of American history. Denigrating them as fringe dog whistles to a wacko population is an affront to history, just like the dastardly attack on monuments we saw in the summer of 2020.
They want you to forget our history; they want to rewrite the books. And most of all, they dare anyone to challenge their official narratives, and will come down like a thunderclap on those who do. Challenge the Feds or spend too much time on patriotic websites and you’ll likely get put on a government watchlist. Attend a schoolboard meeting or let a Fed lead you into the wrong building and you’ll end up in a show trial, branded as an insurrectionist. And God help you if you fly the wrong flag on your front porch.
This isn’t new, by the way.
The Feds have always had a problem with armed Americans exercising their second amendment rights. They’ve been getting themselves into a tizzy since the 90’s when patriotic Americans began pushing back against the Clinton-era incursions on individual rights.
Incidents in Waco, Texas, and Ruby Ridge, Idaho, made it perfectly clear that the Federal government was targeting Americans of all ages with lethal force based on shoddy intelligence, with zero accountability in the aftermath.
Federal investigations into Oklahoma City, the Atlanta Olympics, 9/11, and the Las Vegas shooting have solidified that Federal agencies are either:
a) terrible at investigations
b) prejudiced against the wrong people
or c) intentionally hiding uncomfortable evidence for unknown reasons.
The problems inherent in the official government positions on each of these investigations have rightly produced a virtual library of books and documentaries; the conclusions often align with one of the three categories I just mentioned. Pushback from investigative journalists, structural engineers and other scientists, local law enforcement, private citizens, and many others have generally resulted in either silence or character assassination by the powers that be. Curiously, some of those who question the narratives end up dead, with example, after example, after example to choose from.
Let me say right now that I hope the Fedboy or Fedgirl assigned to monitor me is reading this and sharing it with their fellow agents. I’ve made a point of trolling them for the better part of the last several years and it’s actually pretty fun. The next time you post a meme the FBI won’t like, hold up your phone and say, “That one’s for you, Fedboy.” Hopefully they’ll learn something about American history and rethink their life goals.
I’m just a history nerd who loves this country, so I figured I’d give the seventh floor brain trust at the DHS and FBI the lesson in American history they were denied in their Stanford and Yale indoctrination courses. We shall begin by explaining the symbols they’re so terrified of, starting with the Betsy Ross flag.
The Betsy Ross Flag
Betsy Ross sat next to George and Martha Washington in Philadelphia’s Christ Church every Sunday. She was an upholsterer who worked on uniforms for the Continental Army and occasionally worked on the famous general’s personal attire. They were friendly acquaintances, and both were passionate defenders of liberty.
At that time, there were several flags flying across the colonies. One that the Continental Army was using was too similar to the Union Jack and was mistaken as a symbol of loyalism to the king. Washington and others called on Betsy Ross to create a new flag to replace it with a distinctly American flair including a five-pointed star.
There are arguments among historians (imagine that) about the details of the flag’s creation, but none of the discrepancies really matter. What matters is that the flag itself was and still is a symbol of freedom, strength amid tyranny, and unity among those who stand for both. And until recent idiocy overtook American government, everyone understood that.
You can purchase a Betsy Ross flag here
The Gadsden Flag
“She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage. … she never wounds ’till she has generously given notice, even to her enemy, and cautioned him against the danger of treading on her.”
Such was the argument a self-described “American Guesser” postulated for the rattlesnake making a worthy symbol for America; many later speculated that this “Guesser” was actually Benjamin Franklin. The imagery of a rattlesnake had been around since pre-Revolutionary days in various respects, but it wasn’t until South Carolina Sons of Liberty member Christopher Gadsden raised it as the standard on the Alfred – a converted frigate turned man-o-war – that it officially entered service.
Two of my little boys were watching over my shoulder as I searched for images of the Gadsden flag. They asked what it was and here’s what I told them:
“It’s an American flag that warns others to leave us alone. It says, ‘Don’t step on us, because if you do, we’re gonna fight ya.’”
I grew up in California around rattlesnakes. We learned early on that whenever we heard one rattling in the underbrush, we’d need to take note and tread carefully so as not to get bit. The wise still do.
You can purchase a Gadsden Flag here.
The Spartan Helmet
First off, it’s just a really cool helmet. We dig it for that reason alone. But the Spartans are also renowned for their legendary warrior ethic. It’s a spirit most Americans are born with, and which American patriots have always aspired to. We’re willing to fight to the last man, no matter the odds.
Leonidas, king of Sparta at the Battle of Thermopylae, and his 300 Spartans fought to the death, epitomizing Herodotus’ pronouncement that all Spartan soldiers would “abide at their posts and there conquer or die.”
I recommend the free Hillsdale course Athens and Sparta, taught by historians Victor Davis Hanson and Paul Rahe for more. It’ll certainly benefit the Feds who lack understanding about classical history or a warrior ethic in favor of nonsense about domestic terrorists.
The Gonzales Flag
In 1831 the Mexican government loaned a cannon to the town of Gonzales in southeastern Texas so they could protect themselves from raiding Comanches. Four years later, as Texans began to revolt against the Mexican dictator Santa Ana, the Mexicans wanted it back. A force was dispatched to reclaim the small bronze cannon, part of a widespread effort to disarm the unruly settlers.
Texans doing as Texans will, they decided to start a war rather than give up the gun. And, good for them. Two young ladies from Gonzales, Caroline Zumwalt and Eveline DeWitt, hastily prepared a flag using fabric from a wedding dress. This flag was raised above the Gonzales cannon and both were later carried toward San Antonio.
The 100 Mexican troops were met by 18 militia men. As tensions grew, another 120 Texans and Tejanos rushed to join them and were soon taunting the Mexican army to “Come and take it.” The battle of Gonzales ended with a quick rout of the Mexicans fleeing for their lives.
The Texas Revolution was on. The simple flag was created to inspire the Texans in their struggle.
Later, the Alamo. Soon men like Sam Houston and Stephen Austin would become the Texas legends cities are named after. There would be a massacre at Goliad, and after that, the Battle of San Jacinto that ended it all a year later. Texas became an independent republic, birthed when eighteen guys with guns placed themselves between their homes and 100 foreign soldiers trying to strip them of their ability to defend themselves.
When the next group of government officials come threatening to confiscate your weapons, who will tell them to “Come and take it?” And how many of his buddies will join him?
You can purchase a Gonzales flag here. Of course there are more modern versions that the Fedboys really hate. Please note: Visa and Discover card will notify the Feds if you purchase any of these items online. Because freedom, or the police state, you decide.
The Punisher Skull
Admittedly this one has some dark undertones. The skull first appeared in The Punisher on the chest of Marvel Comics’ 1974 anti-hero Francis “Frank” Castle, a vigilante in the vein of Batman’s Bruce Wayne.
The history of vigilante justice in America is messy – history always is. But examples abound of citizens intervening to hold evil men accountable when no one else will. The symbol often displayed by military, veterans, and police honors this ethic of standing in the gap for others.
Rampant crime runs unchallenged in US cities. Our government aids human and drug traffickers. Crimes caught on video are ignored. Perpetrators are given a pass. If the authorities won’t protect the innocent, who will?
Imagine a woman fleeing a violent attack. If she were to happen upon a guy sporting a punisher skull on his truck she would likely be saved, because those are the guys who know that sometimes only action can save lives.
Tree of Liberty
It began as a convenient location to make a point. Yet overnight the prominent elm tree became a rallying location for colonial Americans, because during that night two Stamp Act collectors were hung from it in effigy.
The Liberty Tree was planted in 1646 and stood for 129 years, bearing “the first fruits of Liberty in America.” Its symbolism was so ingrained with American freedom that people honored it, petitions were nailed to it, states planted elms in solidarity with it, Thomas Jefferson famously referred to it, and Thomas Paine wrote a poem about it:
For freemen like brothers agree,
With one spirit endued,
they one friendship pursued,
And their temple was Liberty Tree…
Located in Boston’s South End, the tree became so symbolic that during the siege of Boston a year later, loyalist weenies like Job Williams cut it down in disgust. Its existence triggered the king’s sycophants and collaborators, and it needed to be destroyed.
Some things never change.
2A
The first thing everyone living in rough or wild country learns is that they need a weapon to protect themselves. This was true in ancient times and remains so today. The defensive weapons have changed, but the need is ever present.
The First Congress recognized that meant the necessity of armed citizens, and the original draft of what would become the Second Amendment said as much: “A well-regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, being the best security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”
That phrase composed of the body of the people was dropped for redundancy, but it clearly showed the Framers’ intent that citizens were, are, and will always be ultimately responsible for their own security.
Modern police and courts agree. They are under zero obligation to protect you from harm, they are only responsible for securing the community at large. That means if an estranged husband violates a restraining order and kills his ex-wife while she’s on the phone with 911, waiting for the police to respond, it’s not their fault they didn’t come. Perhaps the community had other concerns at the time. Which is why the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.
The phrase did not come out of nowhere. It also appeared in, among other places, the Virginia Declaration of Rights. In the First Congress, the Senate dropped the reference to the “body of the people” without explanation, probably because the double reference to the “people” seemed redundant, and because in 1789 everyone understood that the “militia” consisted of all the individuals in the entire community, not just those who happened to be in a military unit. If the term “militia” is understood in this more expansive, democratic sense, it certainly can be compatible with, and even require, an individual right to possess firearms.
Regarding Militias
And that is really the crux of this entire post. We The People are ingrained with certain unalienable rights –meaning nobody can take them away. At the top of the list is this: A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
In 1812, a relatively small contingent of British regulars went on a 50-mile march through America’s capital and surrounding area. They burned homes and structures that contributed to the infrastructure of the new nation, including the recently established Library of Congress, largely furnished by Thomas Jefferson himself. They killed anyone who opposed them, and few did. The scant militia who turned out were forced to flee for their lives in numerous skirmishes and the British sailed away relatively unscathed.
A few years later some of the same British regulars landed in New Orleans intent on repeating their success. They included some of the most storied British units – like the 93rd Scottish Highlanders – and with 5000 troops, they badly outnumbered the city’s defenders. But then something uniquely American happened: Men with guns rushed to join Andrew Jackson’s lines. Kentucky and Tennessee riflemen, free black regiments, Choctaw Indian scouts, French citizens, and a handful of wanted pirates who both loved America and hated the British all joined to form a hasty militia. They delivered the most lopsided defeat the British ever suffered in the field, with two out of every three soldiers killed.
That may seem like ancient history to a stiff-collared Fed in an ergonomic D.C. office chair. But for those of us living a stone’s throw away from a porous Southern border, or with kids spending the summer fishing near seaports the Russians have war-gamed against for fifty years, the Battle of New Orleans holds lessons that wise men take seriously. When modern-day troop carriers come flooding in, and the overwhelmed woke-ified U.S. regulars need reinforcements, who is going to rush to join them? Men and women with guns and the guts to stand and use them, that’s who.
Maybe.
On that day, nobody will be looking to fools in D.C. to save them from the guys flying Gadsden Flags. They’ll be begging those Americans who know the history and honor it to help save their country. Hopefully there will be a few of them left willing to answer the call.
I will.
Did you hear that, Fedboy?
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